In today’s society, toxic people are in every nook and cranny. They can be family members, friends, coworkers, or even strangers you cross paths with at some point in your life. They can come in many forms: lovers, exes, and even people who live inside your head. When you are around them you feel like you are walking on egg shells, afraid to say what you really want to say because of their reactions.
There are certain people in our lives who just don’t seem to understand how toxic they are. They may be your boss, a family member or a friend. People like this have an unhealthy impact on you, and it can be difficult to tell when you’re surrounded by them. However, there is hope for those who want to cut toxic people out of their lives. This article will show you what makes someone toxic and how to cope with them effectively.
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Bible Verses About Removing People From Your Life
Bible verses about toxic people are perfect for anyone who struggles with negative family members and friends. We all have toxic people in our lives from time to time, but when you’re a Christian, it is important to know how to deal with these people on a biblical level.
1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV / 82 helpful votes
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”
Luke 6:28 ESV / 66 helpful votes
Bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.
Matthew 7:6 ESV / 49 helpful votes
“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.
Psalm 51:10 ESV / 48 helpful votes
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV / 45 helpful votes
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 ESV / 43 helpful votes
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.
Proverbs 22:24-25 ESV / 40 helpful votes
Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.
Matthew 7:15-20 ESV / 34 helpful votes
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. …
Proverbs 4:14-17 ESV / 33 helpful votes
Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.
Proverbs 13:20 ESV / 32 helpful votes
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
1 Peter 3:9 ESV / 30 helpful votes
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV / 27 helpful votes
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; …
Proverbs 16:28 ESV / 25 helpful votes
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
Matthew 7:12 ESV / 21 helpful votes
“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
1 Corinthians 5:11 ESV / 19 helpful votes
But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one.
Proverbs 20:19 ESV / 17 helpful votes
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.
James 3:16 ESV / 16 helpful votes
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.
2 Peter 3:17 ESV / 15 helpful votes
You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability.
Ephesians 5:11 ESV / 14 helpful votes
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.
Galatians 5:22-23 ESV / 14 helpful votes
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
1 Corinthians 15:33-34 ESV / 14 helpful votes
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.” Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.
Romans 12:14 ESV / 14 helpful votes
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Proverbs 27:6 ESV / 14 helpful votes
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 17:17 ESV / 14 helpful votes
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Galatians 6:2 ESV / 13 helpful votes
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Proverbs 18:24 ESV / 13 helpful votes
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 16:29 ESV / 13 helpful votes
A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good.
Proverbs 31:30 ESV / 12 helpful votes
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
2 Corinthians 12:20 ESV / 11 helpful votes
For I fear that perhaps when I come I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish—that perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.
1 Corinthians 6:9 ESV / 11 helpful votes
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
Galatians 5:19-21 ESV / 10 helpful votes
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Romans 12:10 ESV / 9 helpful votes
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
John 3:16 ESV / 9 helpful votes
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Luke 6:31 ESV / 9 helpful votes
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
Bible Verses About Toxic Friendships
If you have a toxic person in your life, these Bible verses can help. You may have toxic people in your life. They have a way of taking over everything and everyone around them until they become the center of attention and everything revolves around their needs.
Not everyone is toxic. But when people are, we can’t allow them to affect our lives in a negative way. God tells us in Hebrews 13:2 to “not give what is sacred to dogs; and throw your pearls—which means your good reputation—not before swine, lest they trample them under their feet and turn again and rend you.” In other words, sometimes it takes some tough love to protect ourselves from those who would do us harm or hurt our reputations, through gossip or slander.”
Mark 11:25 ESV / 9 helpful votes
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Matthew 5:44 ESV / 9 helpful votes
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Proverbs 17:9 ESV / 9 helpful votes
Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
Proverbs 14:7 ESV / 9 helpful votes
Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.
James 4:7 ESV / 8 helpful votes
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV / 8 helpful votes
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Proverbs 16:30 ESV / 8 helpful votes
Whoever winks his eyes plans dishonest things; he who purses his lips brings evil to pass.
Proverbs 12:26 ESV / 8 helpful votes
One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Psalm 1:1 ESV / 8 helpful votes
Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
James 1:5 ESV / 7 helpful votes
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
John 15:13-15 ESV / 7 helpful votes
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:13 ESV / 7 helpful votes
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:5 ESV / 7 helpful votes
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
John 14:6 ESV / 7 helpful votes
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Luke 17:3 ESV / 7 helpful votes
Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him,
Luke 6:29 ESV / 7 helpful votes
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.
Matthew 11:28-30 ESV / 7 helpful votes
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Matthew 10:34-39 ESV / 7 helpful votes
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. …
Matthew 5:16 ESV / 7 helpful votes
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Proverbs 1:10-19 ESV / 7 helpful votes
My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say, “Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood; let us ambush the innocent without reason; like Sheol let us swallow them alive, and whole, like those who go down to the pit; we shall find all precious goods, we shall fill our houses with plunder; throw in your lot among us; we will all have one purse”— …
Proverbs 1:1-33 ESV / 7 helpful votes
The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth— Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance, …
1 John 4:1 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.
1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
Luke 1:37 ESV / 6 helpful votes
For nothing will be impossible with God.”
Matthew 18:6 ESV / 6 helpful votes
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Matthew 10:28 ESV / 6 helpful votes
And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV / 6 helpful votes
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 17:9 ESV / 6 helpful votes
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Proverbs 22:9 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.
Proverbs 14:6-7 ESV / 6 helpful votes
A scoffer seeks wisdom in vain, but knowledge is easy for a man of understanding. Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.
Bible Verses About Toxic Relationships
Toxic people can cause you to doubt yourself, your choices and your abilities. Don’t let a toxic person keep you from living a happy, healthy life! The following Bible verses about toxic people are meant to be used as a blessing for yourself, or for someone you love who might be struggling with toxic relationships in their life.
Proverbs 2:12 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech,
Proverbs 1:10-12 ESV / 6 helpful votes
My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent. If they say, “Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood; let us ambush the innocent without reason; like Sheol let us swallow them alive, and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
Job 2:11 ESV / 6 helpful votes
Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him.
Deuteronomy 15:11 ESV / 6 helpful votes
For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’
Galatians 6:10 ESV / 5 helpful votes
So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV / 5 helpful votes
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Romans 12:2 ESV / 5 helpful votes
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
John 3:16-17 ESV / 5 helpful votes
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
Matthew 18:20 ESV / 5 helpful votes
For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
Matthew 10:8 ESV / 5 helpful votes
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying; give without pay.
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV / 4 helpful votes
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 4:28 ESV / 4 helpful votes
Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.
1 Corinthians 10:14 ESV / 4 helpful votes
Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.
1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV / 4 helpful votes
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Luke 6:38 ESV / 4 helpful votes
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
Matthew 20:26 ESV / 4 helpful votes
It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,
Amos 3:3 ESV / 4 helpful votes
“Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?
Proverbs 19:17 ESV / 4 helpful votes
Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.
James 1:26 ESV / 3 helpful votes
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.
1 Corinthians 2:13 ESV / 3 helpful votes
And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.
Romans 16:17 ESV / 3 helpful votes
I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.
Luke 17:3-4 ESV / 3 helpful votes
Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
Mark 7:20-23 ESV / 3 helpful votes
And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
Revelation 22:14 ESV / 2 helpful votes
Blessed are those who wash their robes, so that they may have the right to the tree of life and that they may enter the city by the gates.
Revelation 21:11 ESV / 2 helpful votes
Having the glory of God, its radiance like a most rare jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal.
Revelation 11:1-19 ESV / 2 helpful votes
Then I was given a measuring rod like a staff, and I was told, “Rise and measure the temple of God and the altar and those who worship there, but do not measure the court outside the temple; leave that out, for it is given over to the nations, and they will trample the holy city for forty-two months. And I will grant authority to my two witnesses, and they will prophesy for 1,260 days, clothed in sackcloth.” These are the two olive trees and the two lampstands that stand before the Lord of the earth. And if anyone would harm them, fire pours from their mouth and consumes their foes. If anyone would harm them, this is how he is doomed to be killed. …
Revelation 1:1 ESV / 2 helpful votes
The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show to his servants the things that must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John,
Hebrews 3:13 ESV / 2 helpful votes
But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
2 Timothy 3:16 ESV / 2 helpful votes
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,
John 13:34 ESV / 2 helpful votes
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
John 13:3 ESV / 2 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful
Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God,
Mark 9:42 ESV / 2 helpful votes
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.
Bible Verses About Toxicity
Do you have someone in your life you consider to be toxic? Maybe it’s a coworker or a neighbor, or even a family member you’re forced to interact with.
As Christians, we know we’re commanded to love people. In John 13:35, Jesus says, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (NIV). It’s one thing to love a stranger whom you may never see again. But it can sometimes be difficult to show love to toxic people in our lives, especially when the person has hurt us or continues to do so.
How do we show love to toxic people without allowing that toxicity in our lives?
WebMD defines a toxic person as anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. They might cause stress, unpleasantness, difficulty, or conflict. You might experience manipulation or verbal abuse, or they might violate your physical, emotional, spiritual, or other boundaries time and again. Being around them can feel exhausting.
What Does the Bible Say about Toxic People?
The term might be new, but the concept is not. Those who wrote the Bible were well-familiar with toxic people. Several scriptures address these difficult souls who wreak such havoc in our lives.
In 1 Corinthians 15:33, the Apostle Paul urges us, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”
And in Proverbs 22:24-25, we’re warned, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”
How Do We Love Toxic People?
Yet Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). He goes further in Matthew 25:35-40, commanding us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the prisoner, and welcome the stranger as though we are doing it to Jesus Himself.
We know from the Bible that Jesus died to offer salvation to all sinners (John 3:16) — toxic people included. And loving people is a way we can introduce or reinforce the life-saving gospel truth in their lives, as well as to honor the blessing Jesus offers in our own lives.
Now, if that toxic person in your life is abusive in some way, that is different. Abuse is illegal, dangerous, and by no means permissible. Loving them might look like forgiveness and moving on, far away from them. (And if you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, I urge you to reach out for help, whether from law enforcement or an organization such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline).
But for non-abusive toxic types, the Bible offers us ways to love them without allowing that toxicity in our lives.
Sometimes people are toxic because of a personality disorder. Sometimes it’s because of a sinful or merely annoying trait. Other times, they are going through a “dark phase,” such as a breakup, death, mental health crisis, or job loss, and not dealing with it well, perhaps consumed with insecurity, envy, ambition, greed, or fury.
One thing we can do is try our best to empathize with them. Many times, I feel an aversion to someone who reminds me of myself in some way — and particularly reminds me of things I don’t like about myself and strive to push past.
Maybe you have far more in common with that toxic person than you think you do. Maybe she’s just an earlier version of you, and you could help her evolve just like someone else helped you. In Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus said,
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.’”
Try to understand life from their perspective, which will help your heart soften and be more receptive to love.
Pray for the Toxic Person
Never underestimate the power of prayer. Scripture tells us prayer is mighty and can move mountains.
Jesus has the power to transform the heart and life of anyone. Pray for that transformation. Pray they heed the call of Christ to be loving, kind, merciful, and true.
In Luke 6:28, Jesus tells us to “bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
Roman 12:14 echoes that, reminding us, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.”
God hears our prayers always. He is at work in the lives and hearts of every soul on this earth. Your prayers can make a tremendous impact.
Be Kind to the Toxic Person
Another way we can love a toxic person in our life is to show them kindness. Galatians 5:22 lists kindness as among the fruits of the Spirit. Those who have the love of Christ in their hearts will naturally show this trait.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
We’re told in 1 Corinthians 13:4 that love is patient and kind. We model love through kindness. Kindness is being generous and loving, doing something truly nice and considerate for someone else.
For that toxic person in your life, try showing some kindness (even if you’ve tried before). This might be holding open their door or helping them with a task, or paying them a sincere compliment.
Forgive the Toxic Person
Jesus died on the cross to pay the debt of our sins so we could have eternal life, and He did this not because of anything we accomplished, but because of the vast and inexplicable love He has for us. We are to model that, too, as best as possible, including when that is not easy. That’s called grace.
As the Apostle Paul wrote to the early church in Colossae, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12-14).
Forgiveness is love cloaked in liberation — we hand off the pain we experienced at the hands (or lips) of another to the Lord, who takes it from there. The gift of forgiveness can transform our lives and also remind us how blessed we are that God forgives us for our own ways — our sins that are toxic to Him.
Love the Toxic Person ‘Extravagantly’
In Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount, He told people to forget the old ways of revenge, or personal vengeance — an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. That is, in the old days, if someone caused your eye to be injured, you would have the right to injure their eye in return. Jesus said to put all that aside.
Instead, Jesus encouraged wild, extravagant love, the kind of love He later exemplified by dying on the cross for every one of us.
“But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you” (Matthew 5:39-42).
Extravagant love can do many things. It can open people’s eyes and make them wonder why you are doing this. It can introduce them to Christ.
And it can make them feel shame about their own, perhaps unkind and unloving, actions — shame that perhaps leads to repentance.
Beware the Toxic Person and Shine Light into the Situation
Finally, keep in mind the Bible also warns us to be aware of — and to beware — toxic people. Sometimes these toxic people are outright, intentional evildoers whose words and actions are intended to corrupt others and circumvent God’s will and God’s ways.
Other times these people are merely misguided souls who have been negatively influenced by others and whose desire for attention or conflict wreaks havoc in your life by steering you off your focus on God.
Proverbs devotes much wisdom to the need to be aware of and avoid toxic people. Proverbs 4:14-17 urges, “Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. For they cannot rest until they do evil; they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble. They eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.”
And Proverbs 16:28 reminds, “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
The Apostle Paul, in his letter to Timothy, warns his young friend about terrible times ahead in the last days,
“People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God — having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people” (2 Timothy 3:2-5).
Being aware of the dangers these people pose to our lives and the influence they have on our values is helpful, for we know we are to remain cautious and watchful about this.
Then, as with all harmful things in life, God offers another solution: shine His light into the situation.
John the Baptist’s father Zechariah, in Luke 1:79, said Jesus would come “to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.”
Mark 4:22 says, “For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open.” And Ephesians 5:11 says, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
Allowing God’s light and truth to permeate the situation can be helpful. This might be going to the person and letting them know their words or actions bother you or bringing along a trusted friend to help reason with them and guide them back on track. As we’re told in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
The main thing to remember with toxic people is that you must protect your soul. Be watchful and mindful of the ways this toxic person can impact your life and your values. But there are ways you can love them without letting their toxicity harm you.
Empathy, prayer, small kindnesses, forgiveness, extravagant love, and general exposure to God’s powerful and redeeming light can be some of these ways.